ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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