Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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