...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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