Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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