So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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