So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
