I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
