I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
