first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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