We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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