So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
