I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
