it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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