i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
