she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
