i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
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