her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
