yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
