Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
