So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
