someone get that fucking seahorse.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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