I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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