The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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