i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
