Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
