did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
