I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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