So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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