There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
