apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
