You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
