I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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