How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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