You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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