She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
