wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
