She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
