Me. At least after what I've been through.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
