I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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