There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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