I've blown a few things in my day
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
