Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
