I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
worst night to have a conscience
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
