You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
