He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
