Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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