capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
