If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
