Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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