Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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