Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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