I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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